and the conclusion...

So, now that you know about all our ministries, I'll just tell you about some things that I've learned while spending time working as a missionary in South Africa.

The first couple of weeks, I was just struggling so much. I was so sad with James leaving, and then with all the struggles our team had setting up our schedule, and with the questions and doubts I was having with the work we were doing.... it was like a snowball effect of bad emotions. I got to a really low point, just waking up each day for about a week in the worst mood.

Then one day, I was just listening to some music, this song called "you have redeemed my soul", and I was just listening to the lyrics, which are based on Job 33, from Elihu's speech to Job. He's essentially telling Job that sometimes people do suffer, but that God is always faithful to send a means for redemption if Job would just humble himself and turn to God. This is one of those Old Testament passages where we can read and understand its fullness because we now have a revelation of Jesus. Elihu says:

²³If there be for him an angel,
a mediator, one of the thousand,
to declare to man what is right for him,
²⁴and he is merciful to him, and says,
'Deliver him from going down into the pit;
I have found a ransom;
²⁵let his flesh become fresh with youth;
let him return to the days of his youthful vigor';
²⁶then man prays to God, and he accepts him;
he sees his face with a shout of joy,
and he restores to man his righteousness.
²⁷He sings before men and says:
'I sinned and perverted what was right,
and it was not repaid to me.
²⁸He has redeemed my soul from going down into the pit,
and my life shall look upon the light.'

So in Old Testament time, Elihu was referring to himself as the "mediator" because he was the one trying to bring Job closer to God, and the "ransom" was probably an animal sacrifice to God. But now, we know that our mediator and our ransom is Jesus, so we too just have to turn to him and then we have that restoration of relationship with God.

So anyway, hearing the song just made me realize that that's who God is - the one who redeems. And just knowing and calling that to mind really helped with how I was feeling and allowed me to "look upon the light" more instead of at the darkness and confusion.

Another thing that really helped me with all the questions I was having was something that our leader did after we had days of ministry. He would ask us, "Okay, what did we do today?" And we would have to answer... and this really helped me realize the things we were doing. Things that Jesus told us we should do as disciples - feeding the hungry (Living Grace), visiting the sick (Sibongile), making disciples (Mfuleni Girls Club) - and things that God asks of us - seek justice, correct oppression (anti-human trafficking demonstrations). And it really annoyed me when he did it because it seemed like we were just trying to make all the things we did sound really good when really they weren't that good. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that we WERE doing these things. And no, it didn't feel good or important or like we were making a difference. But maybe it's not supposed to. Maybe that's why Jesus and God the Father TOLD us to do it. Because they knew it wouldn't come naturally, but that it was good and right.

So that was my big revelation and from there on out, I had a much different perspective on everything, thank goodness. And it just got better and better. No, it wasn't perfect or glorious, but I definitely learned a lot, about myself, about God and His ways, and mostly how those two things are NOT the same, but hopefully everyday they'll get a little closer.

madness in mfuleni

Okay - so I want to tell you about our final ministry.

First, here's the way it came about (a funny story):

We went one afternoon with Gabriel Mwamba, a Zambian missionary who is on staff at the YWAM Muizenberg base, to a nearby township called Mfuleni. He wanted to take us there because he had been coordinating some soccer clinics with boys in the community, and he knew some of our team was interested in doing some soccer ministry. By ministry, I just mean that they are doing more than just soccer- the leaders can share the gospel, and their major goal is to raise up future leaders in the community by teaching them good skills like responsibility and teamwork.

So, Gabriel knew that some of our team doesn't play soccer (the girls mainly), so he said he'd take us to do "door to door evangelism". Okay, so just that phrase makes me nervous. But, I thought, hey, why not? So we start out at the home of a woman who is a church leader. Gabriel knew this woman, Mama Sandra, because he pastored the church where she is a member. So we mainly just went to talk with and pray for her. A good start! As we went outside, we noticed that the gate for the house across the street was open. Gabriel took this as a sign that we were welcome to go in, so we did, and we talked with the girls inside. They were all around my age, with tons of little kids running around as well. We started talking with them and realized that some of them were Christians, others weren't, they were all sort of wishy-washy with God. So Gabriel just randomly told them that we were starting a Girls Club that would meet every Thursday at 4PM to talk about girls issues and struggles that we all face. So we invited them all to come along. And that was where the idea was born!

The next Thursday, and every one since then, we've been meeting with these girls and talking about issues like poverty, sex/purity/marriage (an interesting topic because a couple of the girls have children and are not married), alcohol/drugs/peer pressure, dreams/hopes/goals. It has been so fun/scary/crazy to meet with the girls every week because we never know what their responses are going to be. I remember the week we talked about alcohol, one of the girls was like, "I don't even know what to think anymore", putting her head in her hands like she was really confused. I think it was just because she likes to and wants to drink (get drunk) but she knows it's wrong. So I'm hopeful that they are actually listening and taking some things in. This girl's club is all about planting seeds and just trusting that God will water and harvest. But it's just been a lot of fun getting to know the girls and spending time with them. It's been an awesome privilege. One week it started raining and because their houses have tin roofs, the rain sounded like hail, sooo loud, and I had to keep our lesson going. It was so hot because we had to shut the door, so there I was, sweating, yelling above the noise about what the bible says is right and wrong - - I felt like a tv preacher. So crazy.

This past weekend we took all the girls and their kids to the beach for a fun day. It was really fun to get out with them (something they definitely don't get to do often) and just do something special. Then they came with us the next day to Gabriel's church (in their community) where we were speaking that day. It was so nice to have them there supporting us - - however, the service was 4 hours long!! In a room with no AC in the middle of summer probably 100 degrees outside! WOW!

This week, our last week, we're having a little graduation ceremony for them and made them all certificates and printed pictures from the beach to give them, and some gifts that they need, like school supplies, that kind of thing. It has definitely been a great opportunity to try to "disciple" some girls, and has been extremely messy, unpredictable, and everything you would imagine. Something I won't forget.

masiphumelele

On Monday afternoons, we go to a nearby township called Masiphumelele, for short, "Masi". The first time we went in, we recognized how lively the township was. There were tons of people walking around, music playing, storefronts open. There is definitely a more welcoming feel to this township versus some others we've been in. Our purpose for going is to partner with the community library there to help with the tutoring programs they run.

So, the first time we went to help tutor, I was sort of expecting it to be easy. I've always done well in school, and I'm pretty good at teaching and explaining things, so I thought it would come naturally. Little did we know we'd be tutoring 11th and 12th graders, in subjects I haven't thought about for 5 years or never took (they have accounting in high school!). So, it was a rude awakening to realize that they needed help with calculus and physics. Not to mention, they don't have the kind of textbooks we had in school that explain everything in detail - - theirs are more like practice problem books. So, doing the tutoring is actually really difficult. It is humbling to not feel like the smartest kid in the class anymore! And because I don't remember the subjects well, I overthink every problem because I'm nervous. And that would be one thing if it were just me doing my homework, but when I have to drag along a twelfth grader who's coming to me for help into my crazy thought process and probably confuse him more than he was before he came, it doesn't feel so good! However, there have been some good moments too and I think one of the most important parts is actually just being there with these kids and showing them that somebody cares enough to try to help.

Two of the girls from our team didn't want to do tutoring, and luckily the library has a "Girls Group" that meets on Monday afternoons and they were in need of some volunteers for that. I actually joined in last week to help with teaching the girls some dances - the, the electric slide, the cha cha slide, and the cupid shuffle! The girls are anywhere from 7 to 14 years old and it was so much fun! They were really excited about it, and they even macarena had Erin, Elise, and I sing them our national anthem. The girls are very sweet. Next week we're teaching them how to make salsa and guacamole (you can imagine there's not a heavy Mexican influence in South Africa!), and then the week after that I'm teaching the girls how to write their names in pencil calligraphy :)

justice ACTs

Third on the list of our activities is working with a local organization here in Muizenberg calledJustice ACTs. It's actually an international organization but began here in South Africa. the ACTs stands for "Alliance of Christians against Trafficking", and the organization is devoted to stopping human trafficking in South Africa and around the world. For anyone who isn't aware, human trafficking is when someone is:

-TRICKED into leaving their home

-TRANSPORTED to an unfamiliar location

-TRAPPED in that place, and

-USED for forced prostitution, forced labor, forced marriage, or organ removal

Essentially - modern day slavery. It's a crime, it's happening in South Africa and all over the world. There are more slaves in the world today than at any point in human history. An estimated 27 million. And not just that, not just a number. But real people. Just recently, Justice ACTs actually aided in the rescue of 2 girls that had been trafficked into South Africa and helped to get them back home safely.

So we're partnering with this organization to help them get their message out across South Africa. We got some training from them and now we go out 2-3 times per week to public areas and do a little demonstration. Here's what we do:

-All wear black t-shirts (so we look semi-professional)

-Tie up 3 team members so their wrists and ankles are bound with rope, and put duct tape over their mouths. Also tape a bar code to their chest. This sounds intense I know! We do it to catch people's attention, so it's really effective.

-The rest of our team then hands out flyers to everyone who walks by. The flyers explain what human trafficking is and give a national helpline and the justice ACTs website. We try really hard to get into conversations with people, not just hand out the flyers silently. Usually my lead-in line is something like "We're raising awareness about human trafficking today, have you ever heard of human trafficking?" just trying to get people engaged instead of walking past us hurriedly. We hand out about 400 flyers each time we do a demonstration.

We've had some interesting experiences doing these demonstrations to say the least. The biggest struggle has been finding places where we can do them. Often, the best places are malls. But, at a mall, you have to consult with mall management which is sort of a bureaucratic nightmare. The team that came here last year said that they found mall management to be very open to them doing this, but we haven't had the same experience. I think part of that was the buzz from the World Cup last year. Trafficking increases dramatically when big sporting events happen in a city, so the team last year could use that in their favor because their presence was really needed in order to protect and inform the local communities. So, we've struggled a bit with getting our foot in the door many places.

On the other hand, if we just go out on the street, it's sort of a gamble as to whether many people will be there or not, whether we'll be in a safe area, plus just the awkwardness of setting this whole thing up in the middle of the street. Which should not be underestimated!!! hahaha, imagine a group of 8 white people (we already definitely stick out), wearing all black tshirts, walking with a purpose, then tying up three people in the middle of the street. You can imagine - it's awkward. But this is generally what we've been doing.

Once we get going, things usually go really well. We've been able to get in some great conversations with people, sometimes people just thanking us for what we're doing and encouraging us to keep going, sometimes people with terrible stories of how their lives have been affected by human trafficking (we've talked to people whose grandchildren, children, and even they themselves have been trafficked), and many times just being able to inform people who have never heard of this issue. It's definitely one of those things where we don't know for sure if we are helping people, or actually playing a part in the prevention of human trafficking, but one thing is for sure - there's a much greater chance that we're helping by doing this than if we were just sitting at home thinking about it. And even if it only helps one person, we would all agree that it's worth it.

living grace

To begin this introduction, Living Grace is a part of a bigger organization called Living Hope, which is founded on a desire for the church to reach out by taking a holistic approach that effects spiritual, physical, economic and political change in the people of the Cape Peninsula of South Africa. There are a few different branches of Living Hope, but Living Grace in particular is the homeless & addictions ministry, which focuses on feeding the homeless, counseling the broken, clothing the naked, and recovery/job placement.

We spend every Wednesday morning at Living Grace. Each weekday morning at 815 they serve breakfast to a maximum of 50 people. Everything is free provided that you sit through the worship songs and morning devotion before you eat. They do the same at lunch at 1230. Half of our team gets there before breakfast, sometimes we do the devotion (basically a 5-10 minute mini-sermon), and then sit with the people while they eat. After they leave, we stay and help because Wednesday is when they receive their biggest shipment of the week (a local grocery store donates food). We help them sort out what is useable, wash all the produce, chop the veggies, prepare the bread, and do any odd jobs that need doing. Midway through the morning the other half of our team comes and takes over. They continue on with the veggie preparation, and stay through the afternoon devotion (again, we sometimes do this ourselves), and leave after lunch once everyone is gone.

At first, I was struggling with the whole idea of this ministry, because sometimes I don't think the most effective way of really helping people is making them sit through a sermon. For instance, in the US, lots of kids are forced to go to church and bribed with ice cream on Sunday afternoon, but they end up forgetting or resenting church later in life. Again, this was a case of outreach just not feeling as good as I thought it would. Plus it was sort of a surprise, because when we did community lunch back in Auckland, it was much more focused on relationships than on anything religious. We ate with the people, sat with them around tables, talked with them, and sometimes got to pray with them. But at Living Grace, it is highly focused on getting people fed. And saved. We sit in rows (not convenient for talking), we don't eat with the people, and after nearly every devotional, they sort of have an altar call. You've probably heard this kind of thing before - you know the whole "You could die today! If you died today, where would you spend eternity?".... which, I know, it's true - - but I personally don't think it's effective, and ultimately, I don't think it's the reason that people should decide to follow Jesus. If that's your only motivation - fear -I don't think it will be sustainable. It's not fully acknowledging who God is. It's worshipping Him because He can save you from going to hell, not because He is worthy of that praise and it is simply the honor He's due.

This is something I've learned/thought a lot about over the course of DTS - that we shouldn't worship God just for what He can/has done for us, but rather for who He is. Yes, He has done some incredible things for all of us - but what if He stopped? What if you went through some really hard times? Would your faith hold up then?

We heard a sermon a few weeks ago from a guy who is in the midst of some hard times like this, and it was the best sermon I've heard since being on DTS. One of the things he talked about that really stuck in my mind was about the famous missionary Hudson Taylor. He said that Taylor had a scroll on either side of his bed that read, in Chinese characters, "Ebenezer" and "Jehovah Jireh". The word Ebenezer refers to a passage in 1 Samuel 7 where the Israelites defeat the Philistines, after Samuel has offered a sacrifice. Realizing that God aided them in the battle, Samuel puts up a stone in memorial and names it Eben-Ezer, which means "stone of help" and as Samuel places the rock down, he declares "Till now the Lord has helped us". So this word Ebenezer has come to signify the way God has been faithful in the past. As for Jehovah Jireh, is the name that Abraham gave to the place where God asked him to sacrifice Isaac. He named the land after God gave him a ram to sacrifice instead, and it means "God will provide". So, these two words - one a recollection of past faithfulness, and the other a sure hope of things to come - describe the place where we spend our lives as Christians. We are often hanging in the balance between knowing that God has been faithful in the past, and knowing that he will provide in the future. And that land in-between is scary, and can be painful and difficult, but because of the poles on either side, even when it's shaking, we know it is stable ground. Anyway, that was a really complicated story and is mostly just my stream-of-consciousness thought process, and is only loosely related to Living Grace - - - so let's get back on track.

As the weeks have gone on, I have realized that what they're doing there is a good thing because they are filling a real need that these people have. And they are able to do it every weekday! Breakfast and lunch. I find that really impressive. They are there, every day, making this happen. I mean, if we all sat around and criticized every ministry that we see, nothing would ever get done. So while I would maybe do things differently, I can't say I've started any homeless ministries recently, so I should probably do less judging of people who have and more just being obedient and just helping them. All in all, I am learning a lot from helping out at Living Grace. It's definitely challenging me to think deeper, and I feel good that we can help out with a ministry that's providing so much for Muizenberg, so I'm glad we've gotten involved there.

sibongile

I'll start the introduction to our ministries with Sibongile - a day & night care center for children with cerebral palsy. It is located in one of the nearby townships, Khayelitsha. There are townships all over South Africa - they are informal settlements, people would call them "shanty towns" in the US - some parts of the townships have proper houses while other parts have shacks made of corrugated metal. They are generally known to be very dangerous (we had to have an escort with us the first time we went in), but it's where the majority of people live here and there aren't very many other options for the inhabitants. Khayelitsha is one of the largest townships in South Africa with a population of over 500,000 with 80% unemployment and it stretches as far as your eye can see.

So, that's just to give you an idea of the setting. But now some information about Sibongile:

-It was started by a local woman named Nomasango Xabanisa. She had a daughter named Sibongile (which in Xhosa means "thanks") who had CP, and in the Xhosa culture they see disability as a really negative thing, so when children are born with disabilities they are cast out and forgotten. But Nomasango believed in something different - - she knew that we are all created in God's image and deserve to be loved and cared for. So she started taking children in from the community little by little. Over time, this grew into the organization that we are now volunteering for that employs 12 full time "mamas" that care for the children, and houses about 30 children currently. Although Nomasango lost her little girl, she is now doing SO much for the children in Khayelitsha who have no other option. So that's why we go - - to help the mamas and to play with the children who don't get much affection or attention (the mamas are very busy).

Sibongile started out in a "container", literally, a shipping container - here's something to give you an idea:

But after much-needed funding, they now have 2 proper houses in the township. So our team has split up - 4 of us go to Sibongile II and 4 to Sibongile III, 2 times per week. When we go, we play with the children who live in each house. In the US, children with cerebral palsy usually see doctors often and do physical therapy daily. However, here in South Africa, with limited resources and less than ideal medical coverage, these children see a doctor maybe once per month, and the caregivers aren't trained to do any sort of physical therapy. So we have struggled to really know what to do, and to feel like we are helping. That was really difficult in the beginning, just feeling like, okay, we're playing with these kids, but we're not totally sure if they're even enjoying it because they don't respond a whole lot. But it has gotten better because the kids have gotten to know us more and we've gotten to know their likes/dislikes as well. It was also a struggle in the beginning because the mamas were a bit wary of us, but they too have warmed up to our group. One of the mamas, Dudu, is especially fond of us now and she called me "baby" multiple times today (so sweet!). She also tried to find me a boyfriend, but don't worry I informed her I am a kept woman.

When we went today, we met the physiotherapist who is here for a 6 week stint. We told her we'd like to learn some more about how to help the kids with exercises, etc. So she told us a little bit and said she would make us a list of simple exercises, maybe with some pictures, so we can know what to do in the future. Most of the things she told us today were very easy though. For instance, Liyabona, one of the boys that I play with often, has no head control. So she said we should lay him down, and when his head falls to one side, put my face in front of his and move slowly to try to get him to follow me. So yes, everything is continuing to get better each time we visit.

Other than that, there are some really sweet moments that we get to have when hanging out with these kids. One of my favorite things has been holding Choumani, one of the little boys who actually can talk, letting him playing this little toy drum and making up songs together. Mostly we just repeat "alleluia" over and over with different notes each time, and it's so much fun watching him smile and sing. Just anytime we can make the kids smile is so rewarding. One day I learned that Liyabona will just smile automatically when I make kiss noises, so I spent about half an hour just doing that. It's the simple but sweet things that make the difference.

a much needed update

So, yes, in case you were wondering, I am still alive. I'm so sorry to not have posted in a while, but I guess you could say I've been going through an extended period of writer's block. And apparently time flies when you're a struggling writer. Next monday will mark the fifth week of our outreach, which is insane considering that we only have 11 weeks total here in South Africa. We are nearly halfway through?!? Honestly though, this is the first week where I've really felt clarity about things, so at least you ALL didn't get dragged along through the emotional roller coaster I've been riding on these past couple of weeks. Also, if it makes you feel any better, I realized today that I also have not plucked my eyebrows in the past 4 weeks either, so it's not just posting I'm terribly behind on. Maybe it's inevitable that things just fall to the wayside when you live in a foreign country. But not after today. I have already plucked my eyebrows, and now that my vision is no longer impaired, I'm writing this post. (Sorry, I'm shamelessly using sarcastic humor to try to win back my blog followers)...

Okay! So you're probably all wondering what in the world I've been up to for the past month. It's sort of a lot to condense, so for now, I'll just fill you in on why I've been hesitant to write, and then for the next week, I will post blogs about each of the ministries that we're working with. After explaining everything we're doing, I'll conclude with some of the things I've learned so far on the trip, and after that I'll get back to "normal" postings just updating you on anything exciting that happens! It's quite a lofty plan I know, but I want to just commit to doing it so that everyone gets the full story.

The story goes like this:

Last year, an outreach team from Auckland came here to Muizenberg. Because they had been here last year, we all felt really confident about our time here and what we'd be doing. We thought things would already be rolling, and we could sort of just pick up where that team left off last year. But, when we got here, we hit a few roadblocks.

First of all, the team last year did a lot of investigative work about brothels in the area, but it was too intense and they made a decision that we definitely wouldn't do it again this year. So, I think we underestimated what a difference that would make in our schedule. They were doing it multiple hours per week, which left us with those hours to fill with something else, which we didn't do before arriving.

Secondly, the communication between us and our contacts here was not the best in the world. We thought we'd be getting trained for the anti-human trafficking demonstrations right away, but it turns out many of the Justice ACTs staff were on vacation, so we just got it - - yesterday. And the van we were supposed to rent was broken indefinitely... leaving us with no vehicle for the first 2 weeks we were here.

Third, the first 3 weeks we were here was summer vacation. So we couldn't call schools to set up the anti-human trafficking presentations because no one was there to answer the phones. And again, most of our contacts weren't back to work yet. So we just struggled so much with finding things to do for the first few weeks. We had all the desire - every day we were eager to get out and do something, but it felt like there were just impediments everywhere we turned - we needed training to do this, or we had to wait a week to start that... and all I could think was "We are a group of 9 able-bodied missionaries who REALLY want to help people. And we can't find anyone. In AFRICA." and the irony just killed me.

So, we spent a lot of time in the beginning trying to fill up our schedule. And it seemed like each thing we did just felt much less awesome than I had expected it to. I will go into more detail about each one when I describe them in my next posts, but in general it just felt like, what's the point of what we're doing? Is this worthwhile? Is this what being a missionary is like? Am I accomplishing anything? Lots of questions in my mind. And I am a thinker, often an over-thinker, so my brain was just fried for a while. Not to worry though.... some answers have come through! Follow along these next couple of days and all will be revealed!